This Week in Chaos

by Professor Chaos

Friday, October 22, 2004

I'm concerned that some of our readers are fans of chaos in name only. If you talk the talk, you gotta walk the walk. So I'm going to start a weekly feature highlighting all the advancements in chaos for the last week. Look for it on Fridays...unless I forget or I'm just feeling lazy.

Charles Alton Adams: Chaos Bringer
Let's start right out of the gate with the best piece of the week. Click here to read the tale of a man who will undoubtedly be the MOC Man of the Year™, if we ever get around to handing out such an honor. In a nutshell, this guy watched "The Day After Tomorrow" on DVD and was so inspired by the chaos that he set his pillows on fire, which in turn burned his house down. Only "The Day After Tomorrow" and ten beers could inspire such brazen acts of chaos. My hats off to this great American.

Mt. St. Helens Continues to Suck
Another week and no eruption at Mt. St. Helens. We're all accustomed to chaos teases from the media...but from a mountain?! Nobody gave a shit about Mt. St. Helens, so she turned into a whiny diva and is now constantly rumbling. She had our attention for about a week, but now she's just another tease. Erupt, dammit! Anyway, the "lava dome", whatever that is, has grown to the size of an aircraft carrier. Magma continues to rise. Wake me up when something cool happens.

Typhoon: It's Japanese for 'Hurricane'
We're all bored with Hurricanes, right? Well in Japan they've been having a record number of "typhoons" this year too. Those silly Japanese are always trying to emulate us. But this is taking it a bit far. Anyway this week, another typhoon struck and 67 were killed (see picture above). Typhoon Tokage (how cute - they even name them!) swept through and took out some heads. You know, call it a hurricane, a typhoon, what have you, I'm still bored with them.

Noah "Guitar Ninja" Newport Sucks Ass
So this week I got a little bit riled up when the "Guitar Ninja" came and dropped a chaos bomb on my guestbook. He basically hosed it up with a million posts. It took me about 5 minutes to clean it up, and that pissed me off. But I'm no hypocrite. I can take it, but I can dish it too. So in the midst of my anger (which is the best time to write something) I wrote a piece tearing him and his little high school buddies, and their band called "Fate", apart. Maybe I was a little harsh, but I'll leave that up to you to decide.

That's it. A pretty slow week in chaos. Join us next week for more disaster!

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