THIS JUST IN: IT TURNS OUT THE HYOTE SUCKS ASS

Filed by Professor Chaos

Crap. The dream, my friends, has died. I just got home, and turned on the TV. I was hoping to get some info about the fire at the department store in Britain, where the security guards locked the doors so people couldn't leave without paying. 340 dead -- see the news section. But I didn't get that report. I got some news which was, in my opinion, much sadder.

As it turns out, the Hyote is not some awesome creature of unidentifiable origin, and it's not a hyena-coyote hybrid. It is not borne of the fires of hell, here to devour us, one tasty treat at a time. Nor is it here to lead us to a glorious day where the oceans turn to blood and locusts rain from the sky. It's a frickin fox with some mange.

Sarcoptic Mange, to be exact. Some dude in Maryland trapped a little baby hyote (I just can't let go of that term). It looks like the OG Hyote's been knockin' some boots. Anyway, they haven't found the Hyote yet, just the baby. After testing the baby they figured out it's a red fox with mange. Whoopdeedoo.

Look at you, locked up in that cage. Not so cool now, are you?

Here we see the Hyote mocking us all.

"Hee hee. They'll think I'm cool but I'm really not."

That's right, Hyote. Run away from my site and don't come back.

It turns out Ashley Olsen's Hyote was just a ball of lint.

Here's an article about the fact that the Hyote sucks and is boring.

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