Just When You Thought it Was Safe to Mock Nature...

by Professor Chaos

I discovered a wonderful article today on the BBC's site...this article is the non-fiction equivalent of The Day After Tomorrow. I mean, if someone made a movie about all the events in this article, it would be my new favorite.

Here's a link.

Apparently the British have lost their vigilant resolve. They've decided that NATURE is more dangerous than terrorists! Ha! As if nature could blow up a building. Oh wait...Nature can. Nature is fucking bad ass and whenever mankind decides it's too good for Nature, we get pimp-smacked like a little bitch.

Hollywood producers have been warning us for years. The Big One is coming! An asteroid will kill us all! But do we listen? Fuck no. We're too busy trying to figure out what, exactly, one is supposed to do for a Beige Alert.

So let's all take a moment to thank the BBC for writing this article. I mean, it's like it was written specifically for this site. They cover all the bases...I could not have written it any better myself. But, if you'd like to get my witty take on things, read on...

First of all, we're introduced to an exciting new term! Global Geophysical Events, or "Gee Gee's". This is a cool way of saying, "something that would cause so much chaos, you'd shit your pants." I say you, and not me, because I am in a constant state of chaotic readiness. Anything in The Day After Tomorrow would be considered a Gee Gee. Don't let the sissy name fool you, a Gee Gee would fuck your shit up!

They say an asteroid could really deliver a nice punch to the earth. And they even went out of their way to create this inspiring graphic. Look at that shit. Imagine how cool it would be to see that happening live, on the news. Well, if scientists have their way, you won't! You have to read all the way to the bottom, but they're actually trying to develop a way to blow up asteroids before they hit us. I hear Bruce Willis doesn't work much these days. I'm sure you could draft him, Affleck, and the rest of the rag tag crew from Armageddon to do the job. Get this, they're even calling the project "Deep Impact". I'm kind of torn...on one hand, it would be neat to see an asteroid blowing up in space...on the other hand, just look at this picture!

Now this is my very favorite part of the article: a new type of chaos even I have never imagined! I'm just going to paste in the quote here, I could never do it justice:

The potential threat that scientists currently have their eye on is an insecure rock - the size of the Isle of Man - in the Canary Island of La Palma. The rock is in the process of slipping into the sea and Professor McGuire fears that when it finally collapses, the resulting tsunami will cause massive destruction along the coasts of countries like the USA, UK and many on the African continent, within a matter of hours. "Eventually the whole rock will collapse into the water, and the collapse - when it happens - will devastate the Atlantic margin," said Professor McGuire.

And to think, I thought the East Coast was boring! Sorry San Francisco, I'm staying put right here. Getting to see the entire east coast get flooded by a tidal wave is just too sweet to miss.

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