A Review of "The Day After Tomorrow "

by Hugo Cockley

So Iíve seen the Day After Tomorrow three times. Itís not that Iím in the habit of obsessively watching the same movie over and over again, no matter how good, nor that Hollywood has somehow taken over my brain and forced me to see expensive but mediocre movies; -no, I saw The Day After Tomorrow so many times because it was the best fucking movie of all time, hands down. And I donít mean this in the way that most males between the ages of 22 to 35 claim Braveheart to be their favorite movie, infatuated by a man overcoming the odds and fighting a power much bigger than himself all in the name of some stupid cause, like freedom; instead, Iíd compare it to the way religious nuts love the Passion of the Christ, in that watching the Day After Tomorrow was a religious experience for me, and, frankly, a lot more realistic than the Passion. Not to go off on a tangent, but I find it a lot more believable that civilization dies for our sins than some hippie looking dude that claims to be the son of God. And not to go off on another tangent, but I bet that if Mel Gibson had made the Day After Tomorrow, the Jews probably would have been responsible.

ANYWAY, given that the Day After Tomorrow has already been reviewed on this site, I donít feel the need to rehash plot points. You should already know that the Earth undergoes a new ice age, and in the process destroys LA with tornadoes, NY City with floods, and pretty much the entire northern hemisphere with snow. The point of this review is to implore all readers that love chaos to see it IMMEDIATELY. Hell, even if you donít love chaos (Iím sorry for your souls), see it; itís got something for everyone. Humor (it turns out that we owe all the chaos to a ďcritical de-salinizationĒ point being reached in the Atlantic ocean Ė what the fuck is that; whatever it is, I thought it was hilarious), Romance (Donnie Darko/Bubble Boy/Jake Gyllenhall awkwardly finding love with a classmate Ė how cute!!!!), and Action (Donnie Darko/Bubble Boy/Jake Gyllenhall squaring off with a pack of wolves).

On a totally irrelevant note, I would also like to mention one slightly annoying thing about my third viewing. It wasnít the movieís fault, but I did find myself distracted during all the Donnie Darko/Bubble Boy/Jake Gyllenhall scenes because of Jakeís recent break-up with Kirsten Dunst. I know, I know; itís stupid; but how the hell did he let her get away? Sheís so damn hot. And she was in my favorite chaos movie for chicks Ė the Virgin Suicides (what can be better than a bunch of virgins killing themselves?). In any event, thatís all I could think about when ever heíd appear on screen, and it sucked..

Since you can never have too many, here are some bonus DAT pictures.

Surf's up!

Those Santa Ana winds are a bitch.

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