A Tribute to "The Day After Tomorrow"

by Professor Chaos

badassnessHere at Masters of Chaos, we love us a good disaster movie. We vow to review all films depicting a reasonable amount of chaos, disaster and/or calamity. Now we all know that the Golden Age of Chaos Films was the late 90's. This was the age that brought us gems like "Deep Impact", "Armageddon", "Twister", and "Independance Day" (reviews to come).

The backlash over the fact that most of these films were shit basically killed it as soon as it started. We were left getting our disaster fix from hapless comic movie villians who were always defeated by the stupid hero at the end, right before the cool part where they were about to destroy the city! Fuck.

Then, like manna from the Gods, the good folks who gave us "ID4" delivered another mother load of chaos: "The Day After Tomorrow". To be honest I was about to succumb to the reviews which derided it, and wasn't even going to go. At the theater, no lie, I nearly saw "Soul Plane" instead. Disaster averted. This movie kicked ass!

The reviewers were sidetracked by petty complaints about acting (there was acting?) and the script. I dunno, any screenwriter who writes "Act 2: LA gets destroyed by tornados" is cool in my book. Fuck the critics.

OK, there is some kind of plot but to be honest I too busy wiping the grin off my face to notice. Jake Gylllenahalll (heretofore referred to as Donnie Darko) is this kid on a field trip to Manhattan. Bill Paxton is his dad, and his job is to freeze his ass off in Antarctica. One day Bill Paxton watches as a huge chunk of ice drifts off the continent and realizes, oh shit, the ice caps are melting! Fucking A they are!!

We all know that normally earth's destruction would take at least a year but they up the chaos ante by bringing the ruckus in a matter of days. The swelling oceans fuck up oceanic winds or something and next thing you know, the whole topside of earth is plunged into an ice age. Then all this bad ass natural disaster shit starts happening! People die all over the place. Somewhere in Asia a bunch of businessmen get pelted by massive chunks of hail! And then the LA tornados. Then this huge tidal wave takes out New York City, and then it's time for the ice age! Everything freezes up and some dudes get frozen solid, right where they stand. And then some wolves attack Donnie Darko. He even burns a bunch of books! What more can you ask for?

I felt like a sick fuck getting such a rush out of this movie. But I guess that's what makes me a Master of Chaos. By the end, half the world is DEAD! Half the world! How awesome is that?!

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