A Tribute to Crazy Scientists

by Professor Chaos

For a while now, I've been meaning to pay tribute to crazy scientists. Without them, chaos has no future. That's just a fact, folks. But recently, some stuff has come across the wire that is just so great, I had to share it with you. We all know scientists are eccentric, ok they're nerds, but now they're just getting way out there, and it's awesome.

Case in point. Here's an article about some scientists who've found a solution to global warming! Forget all that bullshit about conserving fossil fuels, recycling, and riding bikes. These guys have a new plan. Let's build a ring of garbage around our planet, and let that shade the tropics! Why didn't I think of that? Sure, there would be some slight drawbacks: for one, the light from the thing would probably be brighter than the moon and keep us all up at night, and sure, it would probably fuck up the tides or something. But on the bright side, Earth would no longer have to look enviously at Saturn and all of its beautiful rings.

And I know this is old news now, but I'm still pretty excited about the USA blowing up an asteroid a couple weeks ago. I mean, talk about hitting them before they hit us! NASA just took it to the next level. Project "Deep Impact" produced not only a comet explosion that Bruce Willis and his ragtag team of oil drillers would be proud of, but was also possibly the fastest man-made crash ever! And why? Nobody is sure. My guess? The scientists are getting bored!

Case in point: FiNN alerted me to my last news item of the day, and it really drives home the boredom that these scientists are going through. Check this article out about a robot they've built which is "touch sensitive". There's also a movie you can watch, and although it takes a while to download, I highly reccomend it. Basically you've got a ballerina dancing around a giant robotic cock, and this probably cost them billions. Why do they need to invent "touch sensitive" robots? Because, they're so nerdy they can't get girls of their own! So they have to invent them.

Clearly, scientists will not be able to move on to the work of the people until they get laid. So I propose having hookers on call in every think tank and labratory in the nation. It's either that, or they'll continue coming up with hairbrained inventions which they claim are in the name of science (I bet none of them even got the ballerina's phone number).


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